Incessant Love (A.K.A. Where I fall short)

My reality right now consists of inquisitive, and incessant children.  And I mean incessant!  Take for example last night: On the ride home from daycare Lilly asked me no less than five times if I had any lotion, despite the fact that I answered her EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.  By the end my answer was certainly louder than necessary, as I was ready to change it to, "No, if you can't even listen to me, forget about any lotion!"  While it may seem innocent or funny enough (it did to me the first time too), trust me, it's frustrating!  Much of my frustration comes from the fact that this is a VERY common scenario (the times I have to answer repetitive questions a day seems to outnumber the amount of times I assured my daughter that I had lotion).  It is almost a given in our household right now that we will have multiple interchanges that includes a repeated question, incessant questions, and the obnoxious string of "what is that?", "what you doing?", "how'd you do that?" and we can't forget the never-ending-variety of "why?"'s.  Inquisitive toddlers do not lend themselves to simple answers, nor to one time answers, as is so often the case for us lately.  

It's a tough reality.  One that tries my patience daily.  One that at times I've not been sure I could live with.  Yet it's a reality in which I recently discovered GOD is using to teach me more than I knew I didn't know about the striking reality of love in my life. The lesson came to me all the way from Greece.  Watch:

 A Father,  a Son and a Sparrow

With the "joys" (heavy on the sarcasm) of repetitive questioning in our family's reality right now, oh how I resonated with this video!  I was right there with the son - ready to give up, to walk away, to raise my voice and say something not necessary just to get away from the questions (and the same answers) again!  And then...GOD called me back to reality.

Not the reality of my inquisitive, incessant children.  But the reality of His love. 

What must it be like to love someone so much that despite their every flaw, their aggravating inability to listen when you try to tell them something, and their constant desire for more, more, more from you, you still can't help but grin and hug them?  What must it be like to rejoice so much in the one you love, that even after a frustrating exchange, you put it down in your journal so that you can remember for years to come the time you got to spend with them and all that they are to you (flaws and all)?  What must it be like to answer every question your child asks - no matter how many times they ask it - with an answer that actually says "I love you!"?  What must it be like, to be that good of a parent? 

I don't know.  I'm not one.  This is where I fall short: My lack of patience.  My frustration with having to repeat myself.  My not wanting to have to explain things I think they should already know.  My inability to share joy even amidst frustrating circumstances.  I fall short in a lot of ways as a parent (not to mention as a spouse, a minister, a friend, etc.).  But as I see this model of GOD's love for us through the gentle father in this video, it seems that most of all I am falling short in the Godliness of love. 


Another reminder of this came to me this past Sunday, in the Gospel reading for the fourth Sunday of Lent. GOD the Parent loves Her children - in all the ways I will always fall short.  As does GOD the Son.  In John's Gospel, Jesus is faced with a situation that reminds me of an inquisitive and incessant child.  From the disciples asking him questions and still not quite getting what he's been trying to teach all along; to the neighbors who didn't believe and argued amongst themselves whether the blind/not-blind man was really the same person; to the Pharisees and their never-ending-quest to trap and disregard Jesus; to the Jews questioning the blind man's parents and himself.  So many questions, so much disbelief.  So many inquisitive toddlers wanting to know, but not wanting to hear the answer.  So much blindness.

I can only imagine that Jesus was right there with this (video's) son - ready to give up, to walk away, to raise his voice and say something not necessary just to get away from the questions (and the same answers) again!  

But that's not his reality.  Not the reality of His love. 

Instead, despite their (and our) every flaw, and aggravating inability to listen to all he was trying to tell our world, he.... loves, is patient, grins and hugs us each time we fail to "get it," and makes sure that the story of his love is written in history in such a way that we can remember for generations to come the time he spent with us and all that we are to him.  Even amidst a frustrating exchange, he answers each question that was asked with an answer that says "I love you!"  

Not only does Christ answer his own reality of incessant children with patience and love, but he IS the answer.  The Father sent the Son in response to our incessant wonderings.  When we want to know how to act - answer: see the Son.  When we want to know who to love - answer: see the Son.  When we want to know if things will be ok - answer: see the Son.  When we want to know if it's ok to be mad at others or if we can treat others poorly when they make us mad - answer: see the Son.  When we want to know if we are loved and who loves us - answer: see the Son! 

Christ was - and continues to be so - the answer to our world's questions.  He was - and continues to be so - the hug to our world.  Over and over and over again, as many times as it takes.  The answer is always Christ.  The answer is always GOD's love. 

This fourth week of Lent I am grateful for this awakening to my reality.  The reality of incessant wondering - that of my children, but also of my own.  The reality in which I am the inquisitive, incessant child.  Of the many, many times I repeatedly ask GOD, "Why?"  Or ask when it will get easier, where the patience is I have previously asked for, what GOD is doing, or how I get better at things.  And yet, unlike my current reality that resonates with this video's frustrated man, GOD continues to offer a more powerful reality - one in which I am so loved that no matter how many times I ask GOD those same (incessant) questions or make the same (incessant) pleas again and again, no matter how many times GOD could say in a raised voice, "I have already answered that question; LISTEN already!", instead my LORD just smiles each time and hugs me, rejoicing in all that I am to Him (flaws and all), with my name written permanently on His heart.  I am grateful for this reminder of the truest reality of my life right now.  The reality of where I may fall short, but where GOD will never falter.  The reality of incessant Love.  

This week I am trying to embrace the Divine love for me more fully.  So that in turn I may share it more fully with those I love.  And the next time my kids ask me (no less than five times I'm sure), "What is that Mamma?", no matter what I say, or how many times I need to say it, I will try to let my answer tell them, "My love!"  

It won't be easy.  I will fail.  I will ask GOD (again!) for help.  But hopefully when I do, GOD will still grin and hug me, and say as many times as necessary:
A sparrow.
A sparrow.
A sparrow.
I love you.


That is a reality I can live with.