Living in the Present

Adrian has a very limited sense of time.  Anything that has happened in the past, be it something that he remembers from months ago or something that happened at the breakfast table this morning, he refers to as "lasterday."  And it's hard to talk to him about things coming up, because if we mention something that we're going to do in a few days he wakes up from his nap or gets down from the table today and runs saying, "yeah, 'cause Dustin and Papa are coming over for a party."  (That party isn't scheduled until Sunday...oops, shouldn't have mentioned it to him yet).  All the past is lumped into one big "lasterday" section, and all the future is coming up instantaneously.  It can be frustrating for me sometimes.  But it can also be beautiful.  

Adrian, in his young simple mind and heart, knows how to live in the present.  All the past doesn't matter - it's just "lasterday."  The future doesn't matter - just what we get to do right now. 

There's an important lesson for me in this.  I am a plan-ahead-my-fourteen-month-calendar-for-next-year-is-already-ordered gal, as well as a nostalgic-hold-tight-to-tradition-even-if-it's-only-happened-once type of person.  Living in the present doesn't come as easily for me.  Though I try (or at least know I should).  So I admire my son's ability to live in the here and now, and lump all the rest into one big doesn't-really-matter category. 

I know it will change.  Like so many other things, Adrian will figure this out too before we know it.  But a part of me hopes this is one he holds onto a bit longer.  Hopes he always knows how to live in the present, and in his cute way, helps remind me to do the same.  

- - - - - - 

It wasn't long ago that this lesson of living in the present became a new challenge for our family.  The time came to start planning ahead...

...nine months ahead!  

For me the planner, not a problem.  In fact, I enjoy the challenge of figuring out where things will go, what we will do, and what life might look like anew when our next little one joins us.  But for toddlers whose sense of time is "lasterday" or "now,"  explaining nine moths is a tougher challenge.  "After summer," we told them, which Adrian did great with, except for the "when will it be summer?" stream of questions that soon followed. 

It saddens me in a way to have to push the boundaries of my son's living in the moment mentality with this extended planning and waiting process we're trying to help him understand.  But on the flip-side, it has been a process where, once again, I have been challenged to do more living in the present myself.  I am of course excited to be expecting again, and over-joyed to be blessed with another child in our family!  But I'm also scared.  Scared at what might be lost - our even number, the ability to do one-on-ones with the kids, the friendship Adrian and Lilly share with each other as their 'one and only,' the stages of development our toddlers-going-on-preschoolers are in, the feeling so often of how perfectly blessed we are right now.   

So though I'm excited (and have lots of plans all set in my head for this fall), I am also trying to just live in the present.  Working hard at reminding myself to just enjoy my two beautiful little ones for now, in all the fun as well as hard stages they're in, while they are still two.  Pushing myself to enjoy our family as it is in this moment, for it won't be long before it's different, before we're no longer four.  Thanking GOD for what I have in the here and now, in this limited time that falls in between "lasterday" and "after summer."  

So as I enter this 18th week of pregnancy, aside from taking funny pictures with my kids (a challenge in living in the present all it's own when your kids are in the present stage of not sitting still for pictures!), and announcing to the world that my weight gain is so much more than too much Easter candy, I am also trying to embrace today, before it becomes "lasterday."  And I am trying to embrace the future, before it becomes "now."  And I am just grateful that I am blessed with little ones who help remind me in so many ways, at so many moments, how to live differently, live better, live like they do. 

May I never look back on any of these moments with them (be there two or three or ten of them) and regret our "lasterdays."  May I never be afraid of the "nows" you LORD are sending our way.  And may they too, never out-grow their ability to live in the present that you so graciously give them!