I’ve been thinking about adoption a lot lately. Adoption has always been a big part of my life. I grew up with three cousins who were adopted into our family, and later the number of cousin adoptions nearly doubled, as my own parents adopted five children. One of my cousins has since also adopted her children, and I am thankful for each and every one of these adopted additions; I know our family wouldn't be the same without them! But despite its presence throughout my life, I recently got a taste of the adoption journey myself.
Last week we adopted a new member of our family – a lovely Golden
Retriever dog named Morgan. We have been wanting and hoping for this for a long time now, so it was in many ways a dream come true. It was a
very exciting day, and has been exciting and beautiful since, as we’ve been
working to get everyone acquainted with each other and watching relationships and love forming. But the journey to her wasn’t all beauty, joy and what we'd dreamed.
Before Morgan, we fell in love with a dog named Copper. Copper was big and fluffy and beautiful and
calm and very, very handsome. He lived
at the Humane Society, and we decided that he should live at our house! So
we filled out the adoption application, put our money down, and went home to start
fixing up the dog house and kennel. Unfortunately,
God had other plans. When we found Copper we were told we needed
to wait until he had his examination by a vet, so we left him there and waited
– very anxiously. We received a call a
few days later letting us know that the vet who did Copper’s evaluation had determined
that he had a torn ACL in one of his back legs.
The Humane Society couldn’t afford the surgery, so were going to turn
him over to another rescue organization that could. Even though we were already familiar with the
rescue organization (we’ve previously looked into them in our quest for our
dog, only to realize they aren’t a realistic rescue organization for our
family), in our desperation to keep Copper, we took their information again
from the Humane Society. We also
contacted multiple vet clinics; maybe we could finance it so we could pay for
his surgery. No such luck. For a dog his size, the surgery ranged from
$1800-$3200 – neither of which we could even remotely afford. And even though we contacted the rescue
agency about him, we heard nothing in return (and continued looking into their
organization just proved even more so that their expectations and requirements were
not something that meshed with our family – financially or ethically). I finally let go of all hope, realizing that no
matter how much we wanted to and what we tried, we could not adopt Copper. My heart broke. Even though I wanted to believe that it was
because God had another, even more
perfect, dog for our family, or had another more perfect family for Copper, it
was hard to understand. I cried for
days. Even though Copper had never truly
been ours, I felt like he had, and I mourned for our lost dog!
We returned to a life without our furry family member, and we waited,
praying that God would help us understand
and hopefully, when the time was right, find the right addition to give our
family the happy ending we thought we had found.
Then came Morgan. We learned
about Morgan and immediately made plans to meet her and her family. Within a few days we had the dog house moved
and a new leash, dishes and lead waiting for her, just in case. We took the whole family to meet her, and she
was perfect. Gorgeous, sweet, fun, from
a great family, good with kids and cats, and short for her age/breed (so she’d
indeed fit in perfect with our family – both because smaller is better for the
kids and because, let’s face it, that describes us too). We asked our questions; her family asked us a
few; and in the end we all came to the same conclusion – we were meant to adopt
Morgan. But then came the hard
part.
With Copper deciding to adopt him was exciting for everyone involved –
the workers and volunteers at the shelter wanted him to go to a good home, and everyone
knew a shelter isn’t the place for an animal to stay. Taking him home would have been a joyful
moment all-around. So it never occurred
to me that adopting our dog directly from their previous family wouldn’t have
the same feel. I never imagined the
difficulty of watching her family try and say good-bye to her, of their sadness
at seeing her go even though they knew it was for the best, or of how wrong I
was in unconsciously assuming that because they were looking to find a new home
for her they didn’t deeply love her or want her still. I never imagined the hard decision they were
making and their sacrifice for what was best for Morgan, nor had I imagined how
much I would wish I didn’t have to close that van door and drive away with her,
even though I wanted her and knew we could give her a good, loving home. Adding her to our family meant another one
was losing her (and she them). Words can’t
even describe how hard a moment it was. Her
previous family’s kids went in the house, unable to watch her leave; and their
mother’s teary-eyed hug broke my heart…again.
For the second time, I cried. Even
though she was now ours, I felt like she wasn’t completely, and I mourned for
her lost family and their love!
Although things are going well now, the journey has taught me a
lot. The search, the find (or so we
thought), the financial questions, the loss, the uncertainty of agencies who
are supposed to be there to help, the attempt to trust God and a will beyond ourselves that we just don’t understand
(and sure as heck don’t want), the waiting, the hard decisions, what’s left
behind. Within only a short period of
time my heart broke multiple times as we went through a roller-coaster of
emotions on our adoption journey.
But I think perhaps why it hurt the most, and why it still does despite
our “happy ending,” is that I know this adoption journey is only the tip of the
iceberg compared to the heartbreak and difficulty of families dealing with
adoption of their children, those families still waiting and praying for their
happy ending, and on a much deeper level.
Very dear friends of ours are dealing with this journey in their lives,
and have been for quite a while. Only
their search is even more difficult; their waiting has been so much longer;
their financial questions much greater; the uncertainty of agencies even
more-so; the losses they have experienced incredibly more painful; the hard
decisions they and potential birthmothers have to make are so much more
challenging; and their trust in God
and a will they don’t understand (and sure as heck don’t want) is light-years beyond
any I have ever had! So while I know it’s
a poor analogy in many ways, and in comparison only touches the surface of the pain
and challenge they go through, I do believe that our journey to grow our
(furry) family has helped me understand a bit more about their heartbreaking
and difficult journey. And although we
have been praying for their family every day for so long, these prayers now
have new meaning and emotion for me.
But
the basic hope remains the same; we pray for them (and for all parents looking
to adopt or to make an adoption plan for their child) to find one another. And when they do, we know a lovely short
Golden Retriever who will be waiting with kisses for the new family friend. We also know that hers will hugely suffer in comparison to the love and kisses you will offer your new child. And that is precisely why we pray every day for your "happy ending!"
“God’s delays are not God’s
denials.” -Robert H. Schuller
St. Thomas More, pray for them.
St. Clotilde, pray for them.
St. William of Rochester, pray
for them.
St. Joseph, pray for them.
Mother Mary, pray for them.
Dave Thomas, pray for them.
All you holy men and women, pray
for them, the holy and loving men and women who long to be parents.
Amen.
