I dug up several great resources to use to talk with them about prayer, fasting and alms-giving. I dug up lots of great child-friendly Stations of the Cross and Lenten calendars and count-downs. I dug up plenty of everything I could think of to help them go deeper this Lent! And, like the darn fool that I am, I dug up the idea that I could actually use them all!
But then, Lent came. And then, much of Lent went. And before I knew it, it was April and many of those dug-up treasures were still hiding on my flash drive or sitting on my dresser. None were in my children's hands or minds or hearts.
But, being the stubborn Italian-German-Polish-married-to-an-Irishman that I am, I refused to give up! So on April 1st I finally grabbed the resources I had for praying the Stations of the Cross with kids, and I made a new plan: I would make these two weeks a powerful experience of prayer and deeper understanding with my kids!
The first day I sat down with Lilly and Adrian on the couch complete with color sheets, crayons, a pop-up poster, stickers, a map, and all my best ideas ready. This was gonna be beautiful! And then the whining started. And the disagreeing. The fighting over who got to do the first sticker (and what the pattern would be for who would do each subsequent one), the different preferences for which version of the Stations we used, and the short attention span evidence. With the start of all that, we barely even got started on the Stations. In fact, we got through one - count it ONE - station that day.
New plan: I would make these these next two weeks a slow and easy, little at a time, experience of prayer and understanding with my kids!
So we tried praying one station per day. That worked for a few days, until the "I don't want to color" riot broke out. So we dropped the color sheets. A few days later, the "I don't know what to pray" riot broke out. So we dropped the personal prayer after reading the station. A few days later the "It's my turn - no it's mine!" riot occurred (again). So we dropped the stickers on the poster. Which was, as it turns out, the last activity I had, meaning that after about a week, we had dropped praying the Stations all together.
New plan: I will just be a complete failure who can't manage powerful and deep experiences with my kids!
Things did not go the way I envisioned, that's for sure. But now, as we find ourselves at the end of Lent, I look back and realize that the only plan that truly failed was my last one. Because through my attempts, and the time that I did spend with my children praying this Lent, I learned a few important things:
#1. Different People Pray / Enter in Differently
Adrian has the capacity to "go deep." His little brain is an absolute sponge and we've always been able to talk to him about things that feel above his age, and he somehow manages to be right there with us, surprising us with his depth. But he also likes to play baseball and build things and NOT sit there doing boring "church stuff." (I really thought I had until at least pre-teen years before that started, but once again my son is well beyond his age!) Lilly on the other hand, takes better to more simple thinking. But man, oh man does that girl care about others! So the Stations were right up her alley - especially when it came to stickers! I was not sure how to help everyone get what they needed out of - or what they could put into - this experience!
Praying the Stations with my two big kiddos helped remind me of how different each of them is. They have different personalities, different learning styles, different doing-styles. And from day-to-day, each of them even had different preferences as to what activities and types of prayer they wanted to be a part of in our Stations ritual. We all pray differently. We all enter in differently.
And more so than previous years, this year of attempting to pray the Stations with my kids helped me see the different characters of the Stations as each entering into Christ's death in their own, different, ways. Some threw a fit, some rioted, others wanted to wash their hands of the whole thing. Some couldn't handle the sorrow, others stayed right there with it throughout. Some were new to what was happening, others had been with Jesus from the start. From Veronica to Simon of Cyrene, from Mary to the crowd, from Pilot to Jesus himself - everyone played a different role. Every one resonated with a different part of His journey.
Perhaps this is the beauty of the Stations (like the beauty of our church): there is no one right way to walk with Christ. Each one of them, like each one of us, enters into Christ's journey to the cross differently. We may find ourselves on any given day accompanying Christ in different ways (some days I'm Veronica, some days I'm more like Judas). There is no one right way.
#2. It's OK to Do Only a Little at a Time
My plans this year were overly ambitious. This is usual. And my plans did not pan out. Once again, usual. Nevertheless, my overly zealous goals this year helped me see the need to go slowly. My kids clearly did not have the attention spans to go the distance all at once. Nor did they have the space on their hearts to take in all the depth of what the Stations include. But as we tried to pray through the journey together, I realized that the need to go slowly did not only applied to them!
It has been a difficult several months for our family. From work struggles, to difficult schedules, to kids behavior issues, to more loss, to pain-in-the-butt cars and appliances - you name it, it feels like we've been dealing with it already in 2017. So when Lent came, I was determined to solve everything with good prayer and deep reflection. Figuring out the whole of the Spiritual journey would certainly help me figure out the whole of this crazy life, right? (Yes, overly ambitious is an understatement) I have had to learn that I cannot figure it all out. Some things, I may never figure out. As difficult as this is for me (the over-achiever and control freak), I need to be ok with taking it one day at a time, one baby step towards peace and answers at a time.
Perhaps that is the beauty of the Stations (like the beauty of our lives): there are many steps on the journey, and we need only take them one at a time. Jesus was the only one who knew the full extent of what was to happen on his journey, try as the others may to figure it out or claim they could share his cup. We too, try as we may, do not need to know it all, but only to trust in the One who does, and accompany him on his journey in whatever - slowly-but-surely - way we can. One step at a time.
#3. Don't Expect to Finish
We fell behind on our stations a few times, and would manage to catch up a day or two later. But by the time we were four stations behind and running out of days left in Lent, I had pretty much given up even trying anymore. The Stations are back on my dresser, where they sat for the first month of Lent.
But despite the fact that we only got through half of Christ's journey, I can still see the effect it has had on my kids. A few nights ago, Lilly prayed for "all the people sufferin'." As her big brother retorted that she didn't "even know what suffering means," it struck me that what had likely struck her brother also is the fact that Lilly has never used that word before. She certainly knows the general concept, but not in such a strong term. Perhaps, just perhaps, those Stations and the part of the journey we did enter into, helped Lilly's vocabulary - and understanding. But at the same time, as I watched that word escape the innocent lips of my sweet little girl, I realized how big a concept it is. So big, I still struggle with it on a daily basis! Certainly too big for a little girl (at least in its fullest understanding).
And that's when I realized that Jesus' journey is too big for any of us! His suffering is too deep. His love is too profound. The Cross is too heavy. Though we get glimpses in our life, it is simply too much for us to handle all at once. To fully walk with Christ to the cross, we'd fall behind. We cannot make it all the way with him.
Perhaps this is the beauty of the Stations (like the beauty of our faith): we cannot - do not need to - finish what Jesus has already done for us. Jesus made it to the end, and beyond. That is our hope, the hope we hold tightly to - even, especially, in our and our worlds' greatest times of struggle and sorrow. And because of that hope, we do not need to carry the full depth of suffering, the full profoundness of love, the full weight of the cross. We would fail if we tried. Jesus has already done it for us.
* * * * * *
It was a crazy Lent. And while my plans did not come to fruition exactly the way I envisioned, I certainly cannot call it a failure. While my children did not exactly sit on my lap marveling in the Love of Jesus for our world and the redemption of sin for all humankind, they did talk about love and helping others. And while most of my dug-up treasures are still untouched and ready for us to use next year, there were certainly lessons learned this year.
And in the end, it was I who found myself having the powerful experience from our prayer; it was I who needed the deeper understanding.
And so, even if it didn't happen until the end of Lent, I would say that this year was a success after all. Which brings me to the last lesson I learned from this year's praying of the Stations:
#4. Every Lent is a success, (precisely) because it ends with Christ's journey to the Cross!
Happy Easter!
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