Lessons from Shaun

Shaun’s not a “best friend” of mine by any means.  You might not even say “close friend.”  Realistically, he probably falls more in the “acquaintance” category to most people.  We don’t stay in regular contact.  Before this weekend it had been about six years since I last saw him.  And not only have we spent much of that time in different states, but for about half of it we were even on different continents.  Nonetheless, I consider Shaun a dear friend.  Because despite the time and distance, Shaun is someone who has taught me more important life lessons than some friends I see on a regular basis. 

The first lesson I learned from Shaun was about my hair.  Well, not really about my hair, though that was affected by the lesson.  Shaun, a friend from grad school, and Mike, a friend from undergrad, were the first people I knew who grew their hair out to donate for “Locks for Love” (an organization that takes donated hair to make wigs for patients of cancer and other such illnesses).  They not only taught me about the organization, but also giving, quite literally, of yourself for others.  Their willingness to, again literally, change who they are in the name of charity and compassion, changed me.  Shaun is a care-free spirit who never seems to need to control the situation, but nevertheless his ability to let go of control (both of his hairdo to craziness as he grew it out, and of his locks when it was grown enough) was an inspiration to me.  If these crazy guys can do it, I thought, then so can I.  Shaun taught me many other lessons over this past decade that I have been blessed to know him, but his first was how to be courageous and crazy in doing whatever it takes sometimes to be there for others in need.  And though I started growing my hair out after undergrad, Shaun was the presence in my life when my locks were ready, but my spirit was weak.  He was the influence at that time that finally helped me take the risk and cut and donated my long locks; and the reminder that led me to do it again five years later.  

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Shaun’s most recent lesson for me came this past weekend, at the celebration of his ordination as a transitional deacon for Mayknoll Missioners.  In his homily for the event, Bishop Kettler told Shaun, “You are not only a deacon for a little while,” referring to the few months before Shaun has his final ordination as a priest, “you are a deacon for the rest of your life.”  These words stirred strongly in me.  For Shaun to hold this vocation as deacon, the primary office of service and charity within the Church, forever, even after taking vows of another vocation, has profound meaning for me and my life as well.  Is it true that our first vocation continues despite subsequent callings?  Do our first promises really continue to ring true, regardless of the vocations we also receive down the road?  Am I really called to continue my first vocation, even though life has led me towards others as well?  

The first vocation I took on was that of missioner, received in my baptism.  For as the United States Council of Catholic Bishops tell us, “One reality we encounter through the sacrament is Christ’s presence in the Church community, his Body.  This recognition of Christ’s presence in the community should lead to a stronger awareness of being sent on mission to engage in love-inspired action in the world.”  Being given new life in that baptismal water gave me a global vocation before I even knew what water or the globe was.  

But I have taken on many new vocations since that time at two months of age.  I have been called to the vocation of Lay Ecclessial Minister in the Church.  I took vows and promised to live out the vocation of marriage, and subsequently have the vocation of mother as well.  Yet, as Shaun’s ordination reminds me, none of those vocations removes that which came first.  I am still, and always will be, a missioner.  

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Today is my first day back at work after maternity leave.  And I am a mix of emotions – grateful for the time I had to stay home, and disappointed to not have had more of it; excited to see certain people again, while saddened to have to leave my baby; relieved to be using my brain again, and anxious about whether or not I’m using it in the right place.  These last nine weeks have had me question if I would, could, should, give up this ministry outside the home to focus just on the ministry of my family.  Some days I couldn’t wait to be back to work, while others I just wanted to be with and learn from my little ones constantly.  Today is a combination of both.  Though it feels good to be back, it is not easy being away from the life I have spent the most time with these last two months. Though it feels good to be a part of such a unique and important ministry, I miss those unique and important pieces of my life I leave behind for 8 hours a day.  Already today I have found myself crying, and rejoicing – sometimes at the same time.  And through them both, the questions continue to stir.  What is my place?  Where is Christ calling me to be and what am I called to focus on?  

This morning, as I shared a video from Shaun’s ordination as one of my first tasks at work, I was reminded of his newest lesson for me.  He reminded me that I am a missioner.  That vocation has not gone away, and I am blessed to be able to live it out in such a concrete way through this ministry.  In addition, I am a Lay Ecclessial Minister; I like to work in and for and with the Church, and am blessed to have been called to do so.  And though I am also incredibly blessed to be a mother, perhaps one of my most joyous (as well as challenging) callings, that vocation does not do away with those that came before it.  I must still be a missioner, still be a minister, still be here.  

So though I know not what the future will hold or where God will beckon me in times to come, and though I certainly don’t know how I will handle the juggle of both my work and my family vocations, for right now I find comfort in the answer Shaun offers to my stirring questions.  I continue to be called to this work, and therefore God will continue to guide me and sustain me in it.  And God will also help and provide for the combination of all my vocations – even on the not-so-easy days away from motherhood – because S/He has called me to each of them.  

I should have known that my free spirited and generous friend would offer me such a gift.  Thank you Shaun for this latest lesson that makes me grateful for all the callings I have received, and more confident in the challenges of living out more than one at once.  Thank you for the reminder that has helped make this day of transition a bit easier.  No matter the time or distance, I am blessed to have Shaun as my friend and teacher!  

May we all learn from the Shauns in our life, and may we all have the courage and craziness to live out those lessons, whatever it takes sometimes. 

PS. Shaun, I noticed that you recently cut your hair…I have just added “make hair appointment” to my to-do list – thanks again!  :)