We weren't close to our neighbors. In fact, we've only actually entered into conversation with them a handful of times over the past few years we've lived here. They were snow-birds, and we both have long driveways going in opposite directions. But we did wave, as did they, each time we drove by while they were out for their walk, and vice-versa. And he did help clear out the end of the driveway a few snowy days when the plow had pushed all the snow in front of it, so that we could get in when we got home at the end of the day. And she did bring over a plate of brownies to welcome us to the neighborhood when we first moved in (I didn't know people still did that, but I sure liked it...and liked the brownies too!) So all in all, close or not, we both found ourselves acknowledging that, "They were good neighbors!"
It is interesting to me as I reflect on our shocked and sad reaction at the leaving of this couple we weren't close to other than in proximity, that maybe what it comes down to is that change, any change, is hard. Occasions such as this that call to mind changes coming seem to fill my mind with thoughts good and bad. I tend to glorify and celebrate the good things of the past (from waves to brownies), while somewhat mournfully acknowledging that in some way, big or small, the time has come to let go of those things, to let go of what we knew and move on (more literally for Gene and Wanda than for us, but for us too nonetheless).
* * * * * * *
This is a week, in many ways the week, of similar occasions for me. Occasions that have me celebrating, yet grieving a little. Occasions of change.
Adrian will celebrate his birthday tomorrow (can he really be turning four already?)
Mike and I will celebrate our anniversary on Saturday (six may not be a significant number this year, but a lot of significant memories, growth and love have happened nonetheless)
My parents will mark their 40th anniversary this weekend also (forty years, does that really still happen? Talk about significance, growth and love!)
And next week our family will watch my brother put on the cap and gown and celebrate his high school graduation (but isn't he still the little boy who used to squeal when you bounced him on the trampoline? How did that happen?)
So many changes...and change is hard! I can't help but grieve a bit at what these occasions mean will be left behind. They mean leaving behind all the incredible moments and areas of growth that this past year(s) has meant.
This past year with Adrian has been remarkable! In addition to the obvious physical changes, he has changed from a "toddler" at three to a "pre-schooler" at four in incredible ways. He has learned so many new things, from letters to what it means to feel 'disappointed.' He has learned about new life and pregnancy, and shown an understanding of it that is more mature than I expected. He has found new ways of expressing himself (some of which are less enjoyed by me than others of course). He has grown more cooperative with his little sister, and more generous of hugs and support for me. He has developed new ways of playing and what I find to be the perfect balance of imagination and grasp on reality. This past year with Adrian has been truly remarkable, and I'm not quite ready for it to be over yet.
This past year with Mike has been GOD-filled! There have been moments of very painful grief for both of us, and the important learnings of how to (or not to) be there for the other in those times. There have been misunderstandings and anger, and there have been Spirit-led discussions and forgiveness. We have learned how to make more time for each other, as well as how to better take time for ourselves. Together we made it through major house projects, financial difficulties, my trip to Kenya (and his "trip" as a single-parent for two weeks). Together we decided to grow our family, and learned anew how to trust GOD with how/when/what that might look like (only one example of which was the "twins" incident). Together we grew. This past year with Mike has been challenging, yet through it has been so very GOD-filled, and I'm not quite ready for it to be over yet.
While I can't speak to this past year for my parents, I can imagine that it (like Mike and I's) had its up's-and-down's. I can imagine it (like so many years of marriage and family before it) included tears and hugs, grief and rejoicing, raised voices and quiet whispers of affection, challenges and blessings. I can imagine it included phrases (similar to my own thoughts) like, "How can they be turning xx already?" and "Wow, can you believe we've known each other for xx years now?" as they reflect on their coming celebration and the amazing family that has blossomed and changed since the love that they began forty years ago this weekend. While I can't speak for them, I can imagine that this past year had its up's and down's, many of which they may not be quite ready to move on from yet.
And this past year with Dustin has been a miracle! I have watched my little brother grow from a teenager to a young adult. I have seen him move from an angry boy who wasn't sure where he fit in the scheme of life and wasn't confident enough to make healthy choices, into a witness of faith, love and kindness to all who has been a good example to me, rather than the other way around. I have watched him take on leadership and reach out to others. This past year with Dustin has been a miracle, and as he prepares to head off to college, the ways he has grown and matured and inspired me are not ways I'm quite read to say good-bye to yet.
The special occasions I am getting ready to celebrate this week have me reflecting back on a year FILLED with blessings! Blessings I'm scared to let go of!
And yet as I glorify this past year by calling to mind these good things (and choosing to forget, if only for these special celebration days, the bad), these occasions also help push me, although begrudgingly, into the future. As I mourn the amazing things that a new year means leaving behind, these occasions also serve as a reminder that it's time to move-on. For who knows - more moments, perhaps filled with even more glory and reasons to celebrate, may just be waiting to come. For as Adrian informed me this morning when I told him that he could have this birthday, but then no more (which I thought sounded like a great plan, especially for this mom who doesn't think she'll be able to handle her little guy turning five in only a year!): "But Mom, I have to have more birthdays or I can't grow up like you." I guess he's right (his young insight and simple, sweet wisdom another blessing I celebrate from this past year). Change is hard; but it can also be beautiful. I guess it's time to move-on, and see what new and beautiful things this next year might bring.
Will Adrian finally fit in age-appropriate sized pants without looking like a silly teenager with his undies hanging out? Will he be the amazing big brother again that I envision him being?
Will Mike and I make it to and through that "seven year itch" you hear about, with smiles still on our faces? Will we want to kill each other more, yet love each other even more than that, as we take on the challenge of parenting three together?
Will my parents finally get that Alaskan cruise they've talked about for years (or at least a few more weekends away together with less teenagers in the house)? Will Mom's surgery bring about new life for not only her, but also her relationships with Dad and the family?
Will Dustin thrive in his new setting and come back home next May "a man?" Will the faith that has grown so strong in him become a good example for his new college buddies the way it has for me and my kids?
Will GOD surprise me yet again with many unbelievable reasons to celebrate (and maybe even a few less hard things I choose to forget on special occasions) when the end of May 2015 rolls around?
Somehow I have a feeling the answer is "yes." And though I know that I will likely need a sign (hopefully not as literally as my neighbor's for sale sign) again to convince myself once more to move on, I also know that there will be a lot of reasons to glorify and celebrate again...anew...at this time next year.
So here's to this special week in May.
Here's to all those marking special occasions, and to all the CHANGE that gives us reason to celebrate year after year!
