Mother's love

"It moves one's heart to think:

Nine months before I was born

there was a woman who loved me deeply.

She did not know what I was going to be like,

but she loved me

because she carried me in her womb.

And when she gave me birth,

she took me in her arms

because her love was not just beginning -

she conceived it along with me."

(Oscar Romero)

It's hard to understand the love of a mother for their child(ren) until you've become one/had one.  But I believe the above quote from Oscar Romero says it well.  Truly, when a child is born a deep and amazing love is felt, but it is not a love that is just beginning; it is a love that has already been very present, and growing along with the baby.  And though to others around, the love is new because they could not understand what was already present and growing between the mother and child, to the mother the miracle is not feeling that love for the first time, it is finally seeing that life which you have loved deeply for so long. It's like being reunited with a long-time love...and then some!  

No time do I find this truth more beautiful than now, at Christmas.  Not only do we celebrate Christ's being born of Mary, born to a love already growing and waiting for him in her heart; but we recognize that Christ was also born of GOD.  And that love, even more so than Mary's, was conceived long before Christ was put in the earthly manger.  That love was being conceived since the beginning of the world - GOD knowing and loving His Son, long before Jesus was born.  

But it was a love not just for the baby and person of Jesus.  A love was being conceived, growing, already present and deep and strong since the beginning of time, for the persons of all of humanity, for all of us!  Jesus' birth was an awakening of love not for that baby, but for each and every child ever born and ever yet to be born.  An awakening of a love not just beginning, but one that had existed long before, which now was finally made visible in that Christ Child's life.   
 This is what Christmas is about - Jesus' birth as a reuniting of GOD to us, long-lost loves; as a way for us to finally see that love which GOD has had for us since the creation of creation, growing constantly deeper and stronger, until finally it could be expressed in a newly tangible way when the baby arrived.  GOD our Mother brought a life into the world and a love that had existed since the dawn of everything was finally able to be seen by all those around, those who didn't yet quite understand the greatness of that love.  

"It moves my heart to think:

Thousands and millions of years before I was born

there was a GOD who loved me deeply.

She knew what I was going to be like,

and She loved me

because She created me in her divine womb, along with the whole universe.

And when my parents gave me birth,

GOD too took me in Her arms      

because Her love was not just beginning - 

it had been conceived along with the world!"  

I pray that this Christmas, those who still struggle to feel or understand the love that is always present for them, always has and always will, will be reunited with this long-time love, will see and feel it, and will cherish it, as a mother for her child.      

In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
He was in the beginning with God.
All things came to be through him,
and without him nothing came to be.
What came to be through him was life,
and this life was the light for the whole human race;
the light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness has not overcome it.

...And the Word became flesh
and made his dwelling among us,
and we saw his glory,
the glory as of God's Son,
full of grace and truth.

May GOD, the Mother of us all, bless you with love and all the gifts love brings this Christmas!  

Fourth Week of Advent

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together."

~ Vincent Van Gogh ~ 

It's nearing the Fourth week of Advent.  I use the term "week" loosely, since this year it is the shortest week possible in the Advent season - only one day before Christmas Eve.  It was tempting as I thought about writing another Advent post, to skip right over this week and rush into reflecting on Christmas.  Why reflect and create a challenge for myself that can only be done in a day or two?  I really wanted to count this "week" out.  

But then, I read the first reading for this Fourth Sunday of Advent.

The prophet Micah reminds us that we ought never count out what seems small.  For from a tribe too small, too weak, too unworthy, came the descendants that bore the Christ Child.  From those counted out by their people, came the Savior of the world.  

So let us not count out this "week," simply because it is so small.  Perhaps if we all challenge ourselves, even only for one day, that could be a day of huge difference.  Regardless of its length, I have come to believe that still great things can come from this week, great things that hopefully will bear Christ to our world! 

"Thus says the LORD:
You, Bethlehem-Ephrathah,
too small to be among the clans of Judah,
from you shall come forth for me
one who is to be ruler in Israel" 

Enjoy your fourth week of Advent, short as it may be! 

Third Week of Advent

“You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses”

~ Ziggy ~

This Sunday is Gaudete Sunday, or "Rejoice" Sunday.  I think it's beautiful that in the midst of the Advent Season, a season already set apart to focus on joy and hope and excitement, we mark a special day, a special candle, a special name to reiterate the importance of rejoicing.  

But to be honest, this year I don't feel much like rejoicing on this particular Sunday.  I am on the road, the entire Sunday to be spent coming back from Mike's friend's wedding in Pennsylvania; it has not been an easy trip to make in many ways, and it is certainly not easy to "rejoice" on the road for 22 hours straight.  On top of that, this Guadete Sunday falls on December 16th, always a hard day for me, a date of heavy-heart and grieving.  It was our due date for our first pregnancy, the day we continue to recognize as Esperanza's Birthday, despite having lost her to miscarriage.  So rejoicing is not the first thing on my mind this day, by any means.  

Yet I believe in Guadete Sunday!  I believe in the need to celebrate - truly celebrate - all that is good and beautiful and awe-inspiring.  To invite celebration and praise for those glorious blessings in our lives!  It's not always easy.  Finding time to do anything, even celebrate, seems to get harder and harder in our busy lives.  And as busyness abounds, pressures increase and stress levels rise, it seems harder and harder to recognize blessings to even know what to celebrate.  But those blessings are there.  They're there even in times of sorrow, grief, stress (they're even there on long evil road trips).  GOD never stops blessings us; never stops wanting and creating good things for all His beloved.  That alone is reason to rejoice!  

My online dictionary tells me that the definition of "Rejoice" is:To feel joyful; be delighted.  

I hear "delighted" and I picture my daughter's face when she sees her "puppy" and the little dance she does when she's excited.  I hear delighted and I picture my son's face when his Dadda is flipping him over or tickling him until he's squealing with laughter.  I hear delighted, and I picture happiness at its best, without worry even if just for that moment, with love and peace dancing thick and almost palpable around me.  The moments are not constant, but there are moments of pure delight in my life.  My children delight.  I delight in them.  And Scriptures tell us that our GOD delights in us - finds pure joy and happiness in just the thought of us.  If GOD can rejoice in me, with all my faults, struggles and brokenness, why should I not rejoice too in the many blessings around me, despite life's faults, struggles and brokenness. 

It doesn't make this trip any easier, it doesn't make me miss my baby any less, it doesn't make the future a worry-free guarantee.  But this Guadete Sunday does make me realize that despite my situation and setting today, the Church is right to challenge us this third Sunday of Advent to find the time, space and reasons to be delighted, to rejoice.  

So during a particularly boring stretch of highway in Ohio, I took some extra time to focus on and pray about all that I have to rejoice about (and I used the next bathroom break stop to write them down).  Here are a few things that stretch of highway revealed to me.

I have reason to rejoice, because:

* Lilly is adorable when she says "puppy" and I am proud of her love for animals

* I have had the privilege of having known three children within me, which is a miracle and blessing especially in a day and age where 10% of couples deal with infertility.

* I have the love of a man who is patient and forgiving, who waited for me even before he knew me, out of trust, respect and love for both me and our GOD

*  My son says the most amazing things, pronounces "there" in a funny way and already knows Jesus perhaps more than I do 

*  I have a supportive family that knows how to be family, how to be together, how to pray for one another, how to make sacrifices for one another; a family who drives me nuts sometimes but loves me and welcomes me unconditionally even when I drive them nuts too

* I have work and can help support my family - and not only with a job, but a job that fits my vocation and uplifts me as a person and disciple

*  I have the freedom to put religious objects in my home and religious rhetoric on my blog without persecution or fear

* Adrian is really good (and cute) at saying the before meal prayer

* Lilly is so sweet when she smiles at me each morning, even with her plugger still in, and is cute when she takes her plugger at night and puts it in upside down and spins it around while in her mouth until it's just right for her

*  I know laughter, and know it in abundance

* I am exceptionally skilled at quoting movies and "Friends" episodes, and at playing Pictionary

*  I have all my senses, which allow me to hold my little ones' soft hands, see the smiles on their faces, hear the music they love to sing along to, taste the 'gookie' they're begging to have, and smell their hair when they're fresh from the bathtub

*  I can read

* I am constantly learning new things, often from my husband who is not only ridiculously smart but has a ridiculous love for rambling about new things he finds interesting

*  My kids sing and dance

*  I have a big yard that my kids and husband love, and a safe sheltering house for the kids and husband I love

* I have a really good memory, which has helped me hold onto some really good memories

* My sister can finish my thoughts, and vice-versa

* My kids are healthy!!  And happy!!!!!!! 

*  I have a GOD who not only gives me all these and so many more reasons to rejoice, but who loves me so much that I myself give Him reason to rejoice, to delight in me!  

“Fear not, O Zion, be not discouraged!
The LORD, your God, is in your midst,
a mighty savior;
he will rejoice over you with gladness,
and renew you in his love,
he will sing joyfully because of you,
as one sings at festivals.”

    Happy Rejoice Sunday one and all!  

Second week of Advent

 “We should live our lives as though Christ was coming this afternoon.” 
~ Jimmy Carter ~

We are now on the dawn of the second week of Advent.  Time is flying by, and it feels like Christmas will be here tomorrow.  In the craziness of time's fleeting, I have found my week nearly consumed with preparation - preparing suitcases for an upcoming trip, preparing lists of the kids' needs for their sitter, preparing the dog and chickens for the oncoming cold, preparing the house for the holiday that will be upon us within a blink after our return, preparing Christmas cards and gifts and cookies, preparing, preparing, preparing.  Oh my!  I can't help but laugh at myself in my hustle and bustle of preparations when I think about how very far they seem from the "preparing" that this Advent season asks of us.  

I like cleaning; well, sometimes I like cleaning, but I always like having things cleaned...maybe a little too much.  While I often defend my overly-tidy tendencies throughout the year, I know that this is one time of year where I should not allow so much time and energy and concern to be placed into having a nice space - I'm supposed to be focused on Christ's coming instead, right?  But at the same time, I find some comfort in simply being my cleaner-of-a-self when I think about Joseph.  I love Joseph; I always have felt a special admiration for him.  And at this time of year, though my new role as mother has me connecting with Mary in ways I never imagined I would, I also find myself connecting in an extra special way with Joseph - Joseph the preparer.  

After the incredibly long journey to Bethlehem, the anxiety of the rapidly-approaching birth of not only their child, but a child that has been declared the Son of GOD and savior of the world, and the disappointment and frustrations of being refused adequate shelter for this pivotal moment in their lives, I find it hard to believe that Joseph finally accepted their room in the stable only to sit back and wait for Mary to give birth.  On the contrary, I envision Joseph getting busy quick!  He had to clear out a place for Mary to lay in her labor, move aside the animals and their less-sanitary deposits, get the manger clean and ready for the baby's bed, etc.  There were preparations to do to welcome the child and make a nice space for him to stay.  Just like that first of Advents, I think this season is about preparing a nice space.    

I have heard of numerous families who celebrate a beautiful Advent tradition.  When the nativity scene is put out at the beginning of Advent, all except the Christ Child are displayed.  Jesus' bed remains empty in waiting.  In waiting, and in preparing.  The family is then encouraged to do nice things for one another and for others.  At the end of each day, those who did a kind thing for someone put a piece of straw or Kleenex or other form of bedding into the nativity's manger.  The goal is that by Christmas a beautiful place would have been prepared for Jesus to come to - a place not only in that displayed manger, but through the kind deeds a nicer space in our hearts and our world as well. 

This has been my challenge to myself this week - to prepare, as Joseph did, a nice space in our home where Jesus will feel safe and comfortable entering.  This sometimes means suitcases, gift wrapping, baking and clean floors.  But it also means a gentler tone with my determined one year old, a kind word or spontaneous kiss for my tired husband, an extra 15 minutes with my hungry-to-learn son, less complaining, more smiles, less pressure for productivity, more presence for prayer, less judging, more reaching out to strangers, those little things that make a big difference.  And although my family has not (yet) adopted the tradition of earning bedding for our nativity scene, I am hopeful that my kinder actions this week will spread throughout Advent, and will create a very nice space this Christmas - in my home, in my heart, in my family, in my community, in the manger of our world that we invite Christ into.  LORD Jesus, may you find this place to your liking!  

“A voice of one crying out in the desert:
"Prepare the way of the Lord,
make straight his paths.
Every valley shall be filled
and every mountain and hill shall be made low.
The winding roads shall be made straight,
and the rough ways made smooth,
and all flesh shall see the salvation of God."

 A beautiful second week of Preparing everyone!