First week of Advent

“Where hope would otherwise become hopelessness, it becomes faith.” 

~Robert Brault ~

  


This Sunday will mark the first week of Advent.  This season of waiting, of preparing, are upon us.  And oh how badly I need it this year!  It has been a busy and stressful fall, one that wasn't lacking on its share of heart-ache and worries.  And this past week has been the same, only in a rapidly concentrated version.  And I wish I could say the coming weeks look a whole lot better, but I fear there will be continued stress and struggles as the Holidays approach.  So less-so than the preparing of home and gifts and cards and cookies I have on my to-do list, is the preparing of my heart to handle life well.  There have been plenty of days lately that my mind, body and my heart have wanted to give up, to give up on holding on to hope.  

And it is in those days that I am reminded that though we Christians are called to be a hope-filled people, we are also called to something even stronger than hope...faith. 

This Sunday's first reading is from the Book of Jeremiah.  This book is striking to me at this challenging time in my life. The Book of Jeremiah speaks of a people, Israel, who had a long string of difficult situations - a series of bad kings and rulers, violent armies and deaths, doubts and false idols, slavery, destruction of their Temple, and deportation from their home.  They were forced away from all their security, comfort, and even from their feeling that GOD was with them.  Jeremiah himself, a prophet of unfailing hope, died in exile, having been dragged from his home and that which he had loved and proclaimed for so long.  It is not an all together happy book! Yet it is a hopeful one. 

GOD called Jeremiah to be a prophet of hope.  GOD continued to speak through Jeremiah in word and writing to let His people know that there is hope.  In fact, scholars have referred to certain chapters as the "Book of Consolation" because of all the promises of restoration and assurance that Israel's exile will not be without end.  In essence, the Book of Jeremiah tells us, "though things really suck now, though it may even get worse before it gets better, though you may not feel it now, I am still GOD and am still with you and will still keep my promise for better days...just wait."  How much, and how often, I need to hear that!  

Jeremiah not only had hope in those better days, he had faith in them.  

This is my goal this Advent - to remember that when I simply don't feel I have any hope left to hold onto, I can still turn to my faith.  I can be mad at GOD ; I can yell; I can try to make deals: I can blame; I can do all those things and more.  But as long as I am still turning to GOD , even in my anger and hopelessness, then I still have faith.  (I believe it was my mother who once said, "Why would I have been yelling at someone if I didn't believe they were there to hear me?")  Yes, I have faith in a GOD who has promised me great things, even if I can't see or feel them now.  I am holding tightly to that faith!  For as long as I have that faith, I know better days will come...I'll just wait.  

“The days are coming, says the Lord,
when I will fulfill the promise
I made to the house of Israel and Judah.
In those days, in that time,
I will raise up for David a just shoot;
he shall do what is right and just in the land.
In those days Judah shall be safe
and Jerusalem shall dwell secure;
this is what they shall call her:
"The Lord our justice."

  

A blessed first week of Advent to all! 

Faith like a Child

I love one-liners!  Especially when they come from my son.  Every now and then he says something that just hits me - be it funny, sweet, profound, or just darn cute!  His latest was a combination of funny and profound (with, of course, a touch of cute too).  It really struck me, and I've been thinking about it all day.  

Adrian has a toy "cell phone" that he got as a gift from his aunt when Lilly was born.  Both kids just love it, and Adrian loves to have "conversations" on it.  Some of my favorites are when we heard him from the backseat saying "Hello, Papa...uh-huh...uh-huh...uh-huh...been visitin' Krisie's house...uh-huh...uh-huh...uh-huh..." (you get the picture).  And earlier this week how he kept saying he was going to call James and Kaylyn to "tell them if they wanna come play affer school."  Yep, he knows what to do with a phone, and who the great people are he wants to talk to on it, that's for sure.

But this morning we heard from the sitter that yesterday Adrian picked up his toy phone and said, "Hello, Jesus, what you doin' at church?" 

Now this may seem just cute, and maybe a bit silly to you, but to me it's incredibly profound.  As a theologian a part of me reacted by instantly thinking, "Shoot, I've got some explaining to do so that my son realizes that Jesus isn't just at churches; how do I tell my toddler that Christ's presence is all around us - in nature, in him, in every person, even our enemies, etc."  But as a still-new-and-scared-I'll-fail-in-many-ways-including-in-the-area-of-sharing-faith-with-my-family-mom, I also reacted by thinking, "Wow, my son knows the name Jesus; good for us!"  And then I thought about it more, and the two came together.  Now I'm reacting in this way:

We may not be able to explain everything beautiful (and ugly) about our faith with our kids at this young an age, but it's ok, because we don't have to.  We don't have to partly because as long as our kids hear the words (like Jesus, prayers, God, church) and see the examples (of praying, going to church, being kind), they'll at least have a foundation.  And even more-so perhaps, we don't have to because someone else is telling them the deeper stuff for us.  

I truly believe that Christ himself, through the Holy Spirit, have been speaking to my son!  Adrian has said things about faith that I know I have not taught him.  He has "seen" Jesus in places and objects that are truly Holy to me, but I never told him were.  And even when we've gone days without mentioning the name "Jesus," Adrian still mentions him very regularly.  And what his recent "phone conversation" helped me see is that for him to somehow not only know the name Jesus, but really know Jesus as a person, as a real person who you would call up on the phone just like your beloved Papa, says that our Lord is more than just a name Momma and Dadda mention when we're on our way to Church or trying to impart theological wisdom in our 2-year old; it says that Jesus is already building a relationship with his beloved son and mine, and I need not fear what God will have no problem doing!  

That is what Jesus is doing in my (domestic) church.  And for that, I thank God! 

Bitter Sweet Memorial

Although we had a lot of fun on Halloween this year, it was also a very difficult day for me.  October 31st was also the day we lost our kittie.  Lexi had been my cat and companion for over 8 years when she died this week.  And as many pet owners out there surely know, pets often become more than just that - they become a part of your family.  And when they're gone, there is definitely something missing.  In my case, there is now a huge absence in our home, and a still painful hole in my heart! 

I do feel blessed, however, that although Lexi's last week and especially her last days with us was a struggle for her as she grew more and more sick, and for us as we watched helplessly, we were prepared for the fact that her time was drawing near.  And Halloween morning I had a looming sense that it may be our last with her, so I made sure to take time for some final pictures, hugs and kisses, and lots of "love you's" for our furry friend.  

But you don't get the same avenues of grieving and saying good-bye to your pets as you do people who you loved and lost, such as a funeral, photo displays or eulogy.  So I have chosen to make this my avenue for sharing all that Lexi meant to me, how much I loved our years together, and how very much she will be missed.  

Lexi, here are just a few of the oh-so-many things that I loved about you:

* The way you loved to sit in, yes IN, strange things - from your bed, boxes, to styrofoam cooler lids  
* The way you used to chase invisible things around the room, and the air; and even more-so how much fun it was when you'd chase real things like strings or twisties

* How you'd find the sunny spot on the floor or bed, and make yourself at home 
* How you figured out how to open the basement door yourself, and would spook me out in the middle of the night or morning when the door was standing wide open apparently by itself
* The way you'd always inch closer and closer while someone was doing sit-ups, until you were right under us (so it's your fault I still have a flabby tummy :D)
* How you would go nuts when the birds were at the feeder hanging in the baywindow 
* How you would sit and "watch" Adrian for me when he was first born, including letting me know if he was crying (as if I couldn't tell...but appreciated nonetheless :D) 
*  How you would "remind" me (but not Mike) that it was time to feed you (you had an incredible internal clock), and would come running from any corner of the house when you heard the sound of your food being opened or poured in your dish 
* The way you'd hide under the bed when there were strangers or extra people in our home 
* How you put up with me moving you to all kinds of homes - whether a temporary home for the weekend, or our various houses and apartments in our time together

* The way you'd just sit and stare-down the dog out the patio door, or sit in the baywindow to watch her or the people out in the yard
* The way you literally followed me around when I went through my miscarriage, especially if I was crying, including following me into the bathroom and sitting on my lap (I've always been bummed that you weren't ever much of a lap-kittie, but you sure came through for me in that dark period of my life)
* How you would "rough house" with Mike (I'm still not sure which of you  enjoyed that more)
* Even the way you'd "clean" my forehead sometimes if I slept in past your morning feeding time; and the way you'd almost always try to steal my pillow in the middle of the night when I'd get up with the kids (it was annoying, but it was you...and I love and miss that!) 
* The little wisps of furr on the ends of your 'boots' 
* How you served as a conversation buffer between Mike and I when we were first dating (we may owe our marriage and family to you :D) 
* How I used to say good-bye every morning when I left for work 
* How you would try to escape through the patio door (or in our first apartment through the hallway) every now and then
* The sound of your collar tags jingling as you'd run or play
* How we shared a love of napping! :)  
* The way you hated car rides, and for some reason especially hated the turns 
* The way you left me a 'present' those few times when I used to bring you home to stay at Mom and Dad's with me 
*  How much you loved to eat marinara and pizza sauce, and fruit juice, and eggs - not that I can blame you, I like those things too, I just never knew another kittie who did so much
* The way you would wait under the table like a dog for Adrian to drop bits of his food

* How you were like a combination of my roommate, friend, sister and child for those years when we were together before Mike and the kiddos came along
*  How much my kids LOVE you (even when they weren't always nice to you), and the fact that you'd put up with them (even when we knew you didn't want to)
* How you'd drink out of the bathtub when your kidneys started having problems; and how you stuck with us after the first time you got really sick because I begged you to please hold on long enough to meet the baby...and how you hung on long enough to meet both Adrian and Lilly (who loved you so much)!
* How soft and pretty you were 
* How silly and feisty you were 
* How sweet you were 
* How you were a true and wonderful and loved part of my life and of our family! 

Rest in peace Lexi Kittie, and know that you were always loved and will always be missed!