Difficult Day

Today's a very tough day for me. It's the day I remember someone who I've lost; someone who I love very much and miss constantly! There aren't a lot of words to explain loss or how I'm feeling. But I do offer one of my favorite poems which I have always felt sums up how I feel when I'm mourning. W.H. Auden's poem "Stop all the Clocks:"

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.


Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.


He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.


The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

And a poem I wrote last summer during a very difficult time of grief, entitled "Losing Hope:"

I'm losing Hope.
The joy is gone;
I can't stop crying.
I feel empty and alone,
even in a room full of people.
Home isn't home anymore,
and friends don't feel like friends.
Nothing is the same,
now that things aren't changing.

I'm scared.
I don't know what to do.
I don't want to do anything.
Nothing feels good anymore,
now that I'm feeling better.

My GOD is different to me,
no longer one secure.
Everything I thought I knew,
I now question constantly.
I feel so confused.
I'm tired of asking 'why?'
I'm exhausted.
Nothing helps my heartache,
now that hers stopped beating.

I've lost my Hope.
She's gone to GOD forever.
Both of us now broken.
Nothing makes my heart feel less weighted,
now that my arms are empty.

Nothing is the same,
now that things aren't changing!

Say some prayers for me on this difficult day.
And Happy Birthday Esperanza!