Phenomenal Christmas

I know it's only the third day of Christmas, but so far it has been a phenomenal one. I was actually dreading this Christmas a ton, but it actually ended up being the best Christmas (eve and day and all in between) that I can remember (and I have a darn good memory, especially when it comes to good stuff :D). It would take too long to relive all the things that made it so great, so I will try to sum-up. (PS. this is the updated version, with pictures, finally)

Here is Kateri's "Top Ten Reasons Christmas ROCKED" list:

10. The Fort: Even though it took place the day after Christmas, Mike and I still had fun being young again, and we made a huge fort in our living room, and camped out in it all night. It was crazy, and goofy, and made him so happy - as weird as it is for a 29 year old, I still loved it!


9. Mari & Kelly: Mari's partner Kelly was able to join us for the holidays, and it was great having hir! It was especially great seeing how cute and happy they are together!


8. The White Christmas: I loved all the snow! And it was a blast trudging through the snow to Kristie's place to sleep, and watching as my uncles plowed every driveway in the neighborhood so everyone could make it to Christmas Day (not to mention everyone being safe during their travels despite the white-ness)

7. Spanish Bedtime Story: Dad gave me a few of my favorite kids books in Spanish, and Mari read one to me Christmas Eve night - it was really fun, especially since I haven't been read a bedtime story in ages!

6. AMAZING gifts: I had lots of fun giving gifts this year, and feel like we gave things people really enjoyed (I love thinking about what people will want and putting together the 'perfect' gift). Plus, I got incredible gifts myself, many unexpectedly overly-incredible....from the Spanish books, to the new camera, to the knife set that Mike wanted (and can't stop playing with....it's really quite scary, but still cute). We've already got half our Christmas lists (now we don't know what to spend our Christmas money on - what we want is already here!). We are so very blessed!


5. BIG family! We had 63 people gathered on Christmas Day...and that was small, considering quite a few people couldn't make it because of the weather or schedules. I love my big family, and the fact that I'm close to them all! Not to mention how much fun it is having a huge game of telephone pictionary going!


4. Isaac: My nephew is so absolutely adorable (just ask Mike - he couldn't stop cooing and talking about how cute he was....and I thought my mother is bad! :D). Isaac was sick Christmas week :( But even not feeling the greatest he was still happy and cute and playful on Christmas. He had SO much fun opening his presents with his teeth, playing with ribbons, and he even joined in the traditional wrapping paper fight! I love him!


3. My immediate family: My whole immediate family made it, despite the weather, for a beautiful evening together. My Godmother from Ohio even made it in, and Grandma joined us as always too. It was a low-key, yet ton of fun, time together. And as opposed to most years, this year felt less chaotic than usual, which made it even more enjoyable. I give it a 12 on a scale of 10!!


2. Laughter: With my family, 'nough said :)


And...the number one reason this Christmas rocked....

1. THE BABY: That's right, Mike and I are finally sharing the news that we're expecting!

Our little one at 6 weeks, the size of a grain of rice...now he/she's the size of an apple - 4 1/2 inches long. We'll have our next ultrasound in a few weeks to see how cute our apple is then :)

We're four months along, due the beginning of June, and excited beyond belief! We told my family (and a few others) at Christmas, and now are working on sharing the news with everyone else. Pray for us, as we've already had several complications and still have a long ways to go. It's scary, as this is our second pregnancy and we lost the first baby (her name was Esperanza, and not having her with us for what would have been her first Christmas is a huge reason why this Christmas was such a dreaded one for me). But we're hopeful that this little one is going to stick with us to the end. We love them so much already (especially since they didn't give mommy any morning sickness :D), and we hope the rest of you will all be able to come to love them too! Thanks in advance for the prayers for us and our growing family!

And with that said, I wish all of you and your families a very blessed Christmas, and a great start to your new year. I hope you are all as blessed as I am feeling! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Difficult Day

Today's a very tough day for me. It's the day I remember someone who I've lost; someone who I love very much and miss constantly! There aren't a lot of words to explain loss or how I'm feeling. But I do offer one of my favorite poems which I have always felt sums up how I feel when I'm mourning. W.H. Auden's poem "Stop all the Clocks:"

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.


Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.


He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.


The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

And a poem I wrote last summer during a very difficult time of grief, entitled "Losing Hope:"

I'm losing Hope.
The joy is gone;
I can't stop crying.
I feel empty and alone,
even in a room full of people.
Home isn't home anymore,
and friends don't feel like friends.
Nothing is the same,
now that things aren't changing.

I'm scared.
I don't know what to do.
I don't want to do anything.
Nothing feels good anymore,
now that I'm feeling better.

My GOD is different to me,
no longer one secure.
Everything I thought I knew,
I now question constantly.
I feel so confused.
I'm tired of asking 'why?'
I'm exhausted.
Nothing helps my heartache,
now that hers stopped beating.

I've lost my Hope.
She's gone to GOD forever.
Both of us now broken.
Nothing makes my heart feel less weighted,
now that my arms are empty.

Nothing is the same,
now that things aren't changing!

Say some prayers for me on this difficult day.
And Happy Birthday Esperanza!